


Life amongst cardboard boxes

by Phoenixhallowwrites



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 16:12:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19360348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenixhallowwrites/pseuds/Phoenixhallowwrites
Summary: In which Neil doesn't die! Todd helps him to live his dream life and overcome his problems. Carpe diem





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first fic so I apologise if the writing isn't exactly the best!

Chapter 1: of arguments and departings

Neil lay on his bed staring at his wall through a blurry haze of tears. Tonight was the big night, the night that he had waited with anticipation for so long. He should’ve been on the stage right now in Henley Hall playing the part of ‘Puck' in ‘ A midsummer night’s dream’ but of course his father had put a stop to it.

'Curse my father' thought Neil angrily. His father had demanded that the school make sure that Neil didn’t sneak out to attend the play, so with a sore heart Neil retired to bed for the evening, even though it was only 7 o’clock.

Poor Todd had came in to comfort Neil but Neil sent him away. “please Todd .... I just want to be alone by myself for a while”. Todd stood in the doorway defiantly for a brief moment before leaving without a word. ‘ screw it all' Neil whispered as he punched his pillow before resolving into a pool of tears.          ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Todd walked across the hallway into Charlie’s room, where all of the Dead poets were assembled. No one said a word as Todd walked in and sat down on the bed beside Knox and Charlie.

“ This isn’t fair” exclaimed Todd all of a sudden. He just couldn’t understand why Mr. Perry could want to stop Neil from doing something that he absolutely loved. Todd stood up and walked to the window, staring out at the snow covered ground, illuminated by the night’s moon.

Charlie sighed “ I know man, but there’s nothing that we or Neil can do but carry on.”

“The best thing that any of us can do-“ began Meeks “is to make sure to be there for Neil in the next few days and to make sure that he’s happy”. The boys became silent again, each pondering upon the situation of their best friend.

Todd bit his lip. “has anyone actually met Mr. Perry properly before” wondered Todd.

“ I have “ said Cameron quickly “ and to be honest he is a very respectable man who has Neils best interests at heart”. All of the boys looked at Cameron in disgust.

“Yeah right!” replied Todd sarcastically. “ best interest my ass! The man is domineering over Neils entire life for god sake! Neil doesn’t give two fucks about becoming a doctor!” The boys murmured in agreement with Todd

“oh wake up already! All of you! While you are all running around in your dream worlds pretending that ye will become poets and actors and what not, the rest of us are facing reality! This whole stupid Dead Poets Society thing is not going to get any of us anywhere in life! I realise that, Mr Perry realises that and it’s about time that ye do too!” Cameron finished his rant breathing heavily.

Todd laughed scornfully “ so you mean to tell me that it’s ok for Neil to give up doing everything that he loves only to spend the next TEN YEARS of his life in med school? “ “ oh come off it Todd “ exclaimed Cameron. “ Neil will never make a success career out of theatre”

Things started to get heated up between the boys as they yelled back and forth between each other. “ that’s not true!” screamed Todd.

“Todd, you know I’m on your side” said Charlie, “ but quite down a bit before old Hager comes in to send us all to bed”. Todd crossed his arms angrily, he wasn’t used to conflict. Cameron on the other hand stood staring furiously at Todd.

“ Alright, that’s it.... I’ve had enough of all of your antics. Everything was fine around here before you all started this stupid Dead poets society.” Exclaimed Cameron. “ I want out”

“ c'mon cam-“ began Knox before Cameron shushed him. “ Get out” said Cameron quietly. The boys still sat in the tiny dorm room staring incredulously at Cameron “ Get out!!!” he yelled.

One by one all of the boys apart from Todd left the room. Todd stood fuming in the doorway. Him and Cameron shared one last bitter look before Todd turned and slammed the door as he left.


	2. Reaffirmations of the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd hears Neil crying and offers him a solution

Todd returned sulkily to his and Neil’s dorm room. He knocked and waited for a moment in order to let Neil compose himself. When he walked in he found the room shrouded in darkness apart from a single ray of moonlight shining in through the window.

“ Neil? “ whispered Todd, “are you awake?”  
Neil didn’t reply. 

“I’m here to talk when you’re ready” said Todd as he sat down on his bed.   
Still Neil didn’t reply. Todd sighed before getting up and changing into his pyjamas. He lay into bed and pulled the covers up around him to warm him self up. 

“well goodnight then....” sighed Todd.

“Goodnight” Neil replied meekly

Todd lay awake for a while. He so desperately wanted to do something for Neil. But what power had Todd over the school authority and Mr. Perry. None whatsoever.  
Eventually Todd fell into an uneasy sleep.

Across from Todd, Neil lay wide awake in his own bed. He turned his back to the wall so that he was facing Todd. The moonlight lit up the room slightly.  
Neil watched as Todd slept soundly

“We’re all just a gang of fucked up kids with even more fucked up parents “ thought Neil bitterly. Todd’s father detested him so much that he wouldn’t even buy him a proper birthday present. And as for Neil himself. He scoffed slightly. His father never took his eye off of him. 

“I’d rather Todd’s parents “ thought Neil. “at least I wouldn’t be bothered by them”  
At that thought, tears stemmed from Neils eye’s. Tears for himself, and for his situation. And tears also for Todd. His Todd. His innocent quiet Todd who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Why was the world being so cruel to them. 

Was it because.... No! It couldn’t be. Neil admitted secretly long ago to himself that he was in love with Todd. From that faithful day during English class when Todd miraculously spouted out those quickly crafted words of poetry, Neil vowed to himself that he would do whatever it took to protect and look out for Todd. He loved Todd but surely the universe wouldn’t punish him for that? Would it? Well whatever, he’d live a life of misery if it meant that he could keep Todd.  
This caused Neil to cry even more.

“keep Todd?, if Todd knew that i had feelings for him, he’d murder me!”

Neil was so lost in his own crucifying thoughts, that he didn’t realise that his quiet.... Well maybe not so quiet sobs had awoken Todd.

“Neil”? Todd sat up suddenly

“I’m sorry Todd, go back to sleep...... I uh didn’t mean to wake you up!” Neil could feel his face flush with embarrassment. Just brilliant, Todd was going to think that he was weak and nothing but a cry baby.

Neils thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Todd getting out of bed. Todd tiptoed to Neils bed, avoiding the creaky floorboard along the way.

“Move over”

“what?”

“I said move over Neil”

Neil made space for Todd, his heart in near palpations because Todd... freaking Todd Anderson was in NEILS own bed.  
“I... Uh” stammered Neil

“you don’t have to explain anything, just.... Please stop crying. I..I uh can’t bear to hear you cry Neil. It’s breaking my heart in more ways than you can imagine.”  
Todd placed his arm around Neil. Neil rested his head upon Todd’s chest. They held each other close.

“Todd?”

“yea?” whispered Todd

“I’m not sure if I can do this “   
Todd shifted a little so as to look at Neils face sculpted by the moonlight. At that moment, a light shower of rain started to tap upon the glass. The two boys shivered

“what do you mean Neil?”

“living this life that my goddamn father has set out for me. Med school is ok I guess, but studying it for ten whole years??? By that time it will be too late for me to start establishing myself as an actor. And I simply cannot bear being a doctor for my entire life.”  
Neil paused before continuing

“ I want to do something with my life Todd “ he whispered “ I want to wake up each and every morning happy to be alive and looking forward to seeing what the day will bring, not waking up wishing that I didn’t exist. “

“ well look at it like this” replied Todd. “you’ll be turning 18 during the summer and by then you can ditch your father, ditch med school and do whatever the hell you want! “

“it’s not that easy Todd, where am I supposed to get the money for food and somewhere to live. My father is only going to end up cutting me off” 

“easy, you could get a part time job in a grocery store maybe? Or I’m sure you could take out a loan perhaps? And as for somewhere to live, you could come and stay with me..... If you wanted to that is of course!” began Todd

Neil stared at Todd  
“Live with you in your parents house? Would they mind?”

Todd laughed  
“what?” said Neil confused as to why Todd was laughing  
“I have my own place, it's small but it’s clean and nice enough “

Seeing the confused look still plastered on Neils face, Todd began to explain myself.  
“My parents bought me and my brother an apartment each. Of course my brother has the bigger one.. Ha typical. But anyways my father always told us that once we turn 18 we have to move out. Something about becoming a proper man and learning life skills or some bullshit like that. I can’t believe I never told you that!”

Neil could do nothing but stare in silence at Todd. Here was his Todd offering him the gift of a lifetime. The ability to escape the shackles that his father had placed upon his life. The chance to carve out and travel along his own path. The chance to live his life the way he wanted to.  
The rain began to pound heavily upon the roof and window. For once in his life Neil felt reassured. Almost trance like he started to lean closer and closer towards Todd until he feverishly planted a kiss upon Todd’s lips. Suddenly Neil became aware at what he had done and sprang back.

“fuck Todd, I am so so sorry, I aghh don’t know what came over me. I know I’m after fucking up and i-“  
At that, Neils rambling was cut short by Todd pulling him back to him.   
Todds lips came crashing against Neils. They could each feel the pounding of the others heart beat. 

“i love you” gasped Neil, adrenaline rushing through every fibre in his body.

This time it was Todd who started crying, only his tears were tears of happiness.  
“I love you too Neil, so much that words cannot portray”  
The two boys embraced again.

And so it was in that way, that Charlie found them the next morning.  
He snorted

“That’s my boys” he thought as he looked upon them fondly. Neil and Todd, arms wrapped around the other, both of them snoring, feeling at peace in each others arms.

“what a shame to wake them “ thought Charlie as he pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “on the other hand, let’s wake them up Nuwanda style”

And at that he started jumping madly around the room singing loudly an out of key tune. “carpe the fuck up boyyyyys!!!!”

“Nuwanda!!!” screamed both Todd and Neil in unison. Neil threw his pillow at Charlie who dodged it as he ran out of the room laughing.  
“What do you say to five more minutes in bed?” asked Neil as he and Todd laughed at Charlie’s antics.

“aw I don’t think that’s a good idea Neil, we have Latin first class and you know what’s it like to arrive late to it...”

Neil gave Todd the puppy dog eyes. And Todd just couldn’t resist.

“fine!” exclaimed Todd as he threw up his hands in mock defeat.

“you know you love this” teased Neil.

“Yeeeesss I do.....”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I hope you are enjoying this so far!! 2-3 more chapters to come!


	3. Of endings and beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer arrives, Neil turns 18 . he says certain thingssss to his father.....

And so life at Welton continued. The boys spent their days going from lesson to lesson, only ever enjoying the eccentricities of Mr. Keating’s English class. Evening after evening was spent sitting tiresome surrounded by piles of assignments. The Dead poets continued to hold their meetings inside their glorious sanctuary of a cave reciting poetry and messing around.

Todd even eventually plucked up the courage to compose and read out his own poem. He even got the boys to join in between verses. In fact that very evening Mr. Keating decided to join the boys for old times sake. Both Neil and Mr. Keating couldn’t help the immense proudness that they both felt at how much Todd had developed and became more and more confident throughout the year.

Winter turned into spring, and spring turned eventually into summer. The boys had their graduation ceremony one fine May evening and so concluded their life at Welton, and the end of the Dead Poets Society.

The boys said their goodbyes to Welton and to each other. Knox, ever emotional couldn’t help the tears cascading from his eyes. Charlie humouredly had to remind him that it wasn’t the final goodbye between the Dead Poets.

“I mean c'mon man, the minute I get my hands on a steering wheel, you’ll be wishing the opposite! “

It was with especially heavy hearts that Neil and Todd whispered their goodbyes to each other. Sure they’d send letters but it just wouldn’t be the same.

“it’s only for the summer” said Todd, in an attempt to comfort Neil.

“Yeah I guess”

“you are going to stand up to your father like we talked about, aren’t you?”

“ ...... Yes. I’ll have to Todd. It’s going to be a challenge that is to say, but nothing is going to stop me from living with you!” Neil teased. Todd’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he laughed.

“anyways” said Neil “my father’s waiting in the car so I guess I better get going “ he was absolutely dreading the months ahead of him, but the prospect of a new life with Todd was enough to keep him going. Neil took of his jacket before he got into the car, throwing it carelessly on top of his suitcase and the cardboard boxes containing his clothes and books. This was it, he finally came to end of Welton.

And thus summer came, along with her, countless hot and lustful days. Neil spent most of his days reading and writing poetry. He re-enacted Shakespeare by himself in his room while his parents were at work. He itched to bounce upon a stage and entertain crowds of people. But that would have to wait for a while.

His hands became stained with ink often from all of the letters sent to and fro between the Dead Poets. Neil missed them dearly, especially Todd... His dear Todd. Todd had already moved out so Neil was please to hear that Todd wasn’t being bothered as much as he used to be by his parents.

In relation to Neil’s own parents, he stayed out of their way as much as possible. Dining together every evening was excruciating and Neil always excused himself as soon as he finished his meal.

Neil finally turned 18 on the 21st of June.... Midsummer. How ironic... He celebrated by having birthday tea with his parents, but of course his father had to dampen the mood by lecturing him on the responsibilities that came with finally being a man.

Neil decided to wait until the end of July to confront his father. The Perry’s were going to be having a family reunion out of town for a week so that all the relations could reconnect. Neil wouldn’t be attending as his father had placed the responsibility of looking after the house upon him. If it wasn’t for his plan to move out, he would’ve been quite annoyed as he usually looked forward to the family reunions.‘No matter' thought Neil secretly to himself.

As it came nearer and nearer to the end of July Neil and Todd began to form their plan together by letter. They agreed that Neil should confront his father on the weekend that his parents were supposed to leave. Neil knew that his father wouldn’t miss this reunion for the world, so that created the perfect scene for Neil to stand in charge for once and also move out while his parents aren’t around and without them knowing. That would be the plan hopefully. He still didn’t know what way the argument could go with his father. If all goes to plan, Todd will come for Neil and the rest would be history.Neil scoffed to himself and prayed that he wouldn’t succumb to his father. “Easier said than done...”

Neil walked around his room in agitation. He was feeling light headed and it was with sweaty palms that he opened his bedroom window to let in some air. Today was the day. He was going to do it..... Explain, No TELL his father what he was going to do with his life. His heart jumped into his mouth when he heard the sound of tyres against gravel. His father was home from running a few last minute errands before setting out on his trip the following morning.

“ok it’s now or never “ slowly he headed downstairs to greet his father

“Father if you don’t mind, could I have a word with you please? “

“a word? So be it then, what is it?” Neil’s father stared at him imploringly and already Neil was feeling the need to retreat.

“I uh have been thinking about college for the last while” His father raised his eyebrows questionably and Neil took that as his queue to continue.

“Well.... I, I’m not going to uh to med school “

“Neil, what rubbish are you spouting out of you now, we’ve talked about this and have already agreed that you will study to become a doctor. Period.” His father remained stern yet calm

“ yes sir, but I’m telling you now, I’m not following that path any more. I’m GOING to be an actor and not you or anyone else can stop me” Neil said quickly, his heart racing at having stood up and spoke back to his father for the first time. Mr. Perry was absolutely livid. How dare his own son speak to him like that!

“ENOUGH Neil!!!! I will not tolerate you speaking to me like that! Not now and not ever!!! I will hear no more of this acting business. If you know what’s good for you ,you’ll be quiet and obey me like any son should. Don’t you think I don’t know what’s best for you?”

“but father acting is my DREAM, i-“

“QUIET!! I don’t want to hear it Neil. I’m not having you running off to drama school only to have you prancing around on a stage like a fool, and furthermore if you think that I will be paying your tuition and accommodation for prancing around in your fantasies well then you are bloody well WRONG!!!” his father yelled

“Well I don’t care “ shouted back Neil as he fought to keep back his tears “I’d rather live a happy unsuccessful life rather than a depressing successful one! This is my life and no one can have ANY say over it other than me!”

“LISTEN CLOSELY SON! Your mother and I will be attending this reunion so I want you to think very carefully about the disrespect you have just shown me. You have the entire week to think upon your actions. AM I CLEAR??”

“yes sir” Neil replied meekly. This was what he wanted; to quickly make his point and to confirm that his parents would still be travelling.

“i want to hear absolutely nothing about this acting business ever EVER again. And if I do then, I promise you here now that you will not be living under this roof. Any man who throws away an easy opportunity can only learn the hard way by having to work for it. So think wisely son.... Now get out of my sight. I can’t even look at you right now Neil. In all that your mother and I have sacrificed and done for you..... I’m disappointed in you Neil. Disappointed. “

Neil felt somewhat guilty but free at the same time. It was a rather unusual feeling because he had just stood up to his father, who yes did get In the last word, but that really didn’t matter because his parents would be leaving him for the week so there would be absolutely nothing to stop Neil himself from leaving with Todd. Neil was exhausted. Both emotionally and physically. And so he slumbered.

His parents left early the next morning as they had a long drive ahead of them. Neil decided to go downstairs to his father’s office to use the phone. He seated himself on to the massive comfy leather chair and he pulled the phone closer towards him. The phone was restricted for important phones calls only! That was what his father told him years ago when he tried to contact a friend.

“well this is rather important I should think “ Neil smirked to himself and dialled in a number that he had written on a small piece of paper. The person on the other side answered within a few mere seconds.

“Hello?”

“Hey Todd, its me”

“Neil!!!”

“Everything went accordingly “ said a grinning Neil

“Oh yeah? Well if that’s the case I’ll be on my way so!” exclaimed an excited Todd on the other end of the line! See you later!!!”

“hahah bye!”

Neil ended the phone call and punched his fist into the air with victory. His Todd was coming to take him home. In the meantime he should think about again packing his life away in to cardboard boxes... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to come! This is my very first fanfic so I hope it's ok so far!!


End file.
